January 31, 2009 - Executive Notice

My fellow avatars,

Due to the recent outbreak of ugliness in Second Life, the Bradley family has abandoned office and returned to hiding until further notice. We hate this terrible game and hope it fails faster than anticipated (if even possible). We appreciate your support in our election and will continue to monitor activities from our safe-house 3,000 meters below the earth. Goodbye for now scumbags, until next time.

Alfred Bradley
President, Second Life

Dear Fiona - January 2009

THE OFFICE OF THE VICE PRESIDENT

945 Battery Street San Francisco, CA 94111
JANUARY 3RD, 2008 2:30 PM EST

Q: Happy New Year, Fiona!
F: Sorry, that wasn't a question you dumbass... Please finish elementary school, Elmer.

Q: Fiona, I haven't seen much of the first family recently. Should I go into hiding and start an army to overturn the anarchic society of Second Life?
F: Woah there Jeffery, let us not be that hasty! Although the Bradley Family has had needed to be rebellious at times
(let us not forget the honorablee ROYAL OPPOSITION that was founded by the Bradley Family in 2003 to save the citisims of Alphaville from the rising bigotry of Arthur Baynes and the homosexual Alphaville Government.) Please be rest assured that we are merely on vacation while the White House is being remodeled. Please see a picture of our designs below for them, it is quite intriguing. Please remember that although the Royal Family is still on our gorilla farm in Wyoming, we have eyes and ears everywhere. So Jeffery, why don't you zip up those pants of yours and stop pleasuring yourself over previous pictures posted of our First Lady, Ophelia Bradley.

Q: I received an email last week saying that Linden Labs plans on making customers file Second Life Tax Returns? What is this about?
F: Indeed it seems that Linden Labs is attempting to squeeze even more money out of its very poor, ugly, disgusting and vile customers. Nevertheless, the Bradley Family is here to help once again! Just send your Avatar Name, and Primary Email Address that is on file with Linden Labs to alfredbradleytso@yahoo.com, and the President will issue you a tax waiver for the 2008 tax year. Although we cannot promise the same for 2009, we understand what it is like to be poor. Well, technically we don't - since we are richer than God - but we have read about it on the Internet.

Q: Is there any word on the official penis size of Alfred Bradley? I am just dying to know!
F: As posted in the official retraction of DEAR FIONA- DECEMBER 2008, The president himself confirmed that his flaccid penis is 86 inches long. By using the simple equation to calculate an erect penis size and adding the catalyst of the Bradley Family Testosterone : 5/2(F+2) + (Bradley Family Testosterone Level= 44 in) = 132 inches.

Q: Can we expect another Banannarama in 2009?
F: Why yes you can! In fact, I believe I hear the phone a'ringin this very moment!

Have a question for Fiona? Email it to her at fionabradleytso@yahoo.com !

Copyright 2009 The Bradley Administration

Happy Holidays

My fellow avatars!

It has been another wonderful holiday season, and the entire Bradley family would like to wish you the best of luck in the coming year!

The first family spent the week at our Gorilla ranch in Southern Wyoming, where we will continue our festive vacation right on into 2009.

The Bradley family extends its loving arms in gratitude for your continued support and adoration!

OFFICIAL RETRACTION FROM 'DEAR FIONA' 12/2008

THE OFFICE OF THE VICE PRESIDENT
945 Battery Street San Francisco, CA 94111
DECEMBER 24TH, 2008 1:00 AM EST

URGENT NEWS

Avatars,

I recently posted that Alfred's flaccid penis may or may not be 36 inches when not erect. It was a completely unintentional error. The libelous statement was no doubt planted in the Bradley Archives by the ugly scumbag Alias Turbo, in a failed attempt to compensate for his sub-par genitalia. President Bradley's penis is officially 86 inches long, as quoted from his recent comment:

..of course it's [Alfred humongous stunningly precise and beautiful package] not true! My flaccid penis is nearly 86 inches long dear..."
ALFRED BRADLEY, PRESIDENT OF SECOND LIFE

Yours,
Fiona

Dear Fiona - December 2008

THE OFFICE OF THE VICE PRESIDENT

945 Battery Street San Francisco, CA 94111
DECEMBER 20TH, 2008 2:00 PM EST

Q: Fiona, how was Africa?
F: Amazing! While on a Safari, I had the pleasure of shooting three giraffes in the neck, causing them to bleed to death. Simply fantastic! Also, Ophelia whipped up a magnificent turtle soup at our embassy, which turned out contain three pounds of her pubic hair. It really added a kick! We talked Alfred out of declaring war on Africa, however this is a work in progress. Keep in touch.

Q: What are your thoughts on the loss of Jessica Lyon?
F: To be honest, it has been difficult. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night hearing "FAIL!" in random sentences where it does not belong, but I quickly cast out the idea of her resurrection (we all know only two types of people can come back from the dead: Jesus and the Bradleys). Thankfully, G Team heaven is a much better place, and I am sure she is persistently monitoring a sandbox up there, 24 hours a day and 7 days a week.

Q: I hear that money doubles are coming to SL! Is this true? If so, when can I expect it?
F: Yes, it is true! Alfred just secured a stimulus package of ten trillion lindens (L$ 10,000,000,000,000) to double our citizens' money. Please contact us in the coming weeks leading to 2009, as we will be distributing on January 5th. Hurry though, there is a limited amount of money for this amazing offer!

Q: Fiona, is it true that Alfred's penis is 36 inches long when not erect?
F: No Comment dear - please ask his darling wife, Ophelia.

Have a question for Fiona? Email it to her at fionabradleytso@yahoo.com !

Copyright 2009 The Bradley Administration

BANANNARAMA 2008

An Alfred Bradley Special Report

My dear fellow avatars! This week’s vacation has been absolutely marvelous. After touring the plains of Africa and hunting rhinoceri, it was time to kick off the Bradley holiday festivities with Banannarama 2008! We laughed, we cried, and we mourned the loss of Jessica Lyon, our dear friend who was, as you know, recently and most unfortunately slaughtered by an eighteen-wheel Mack truck on interstate 10. As a local newbie Trident Numbers put it, “We just couldn’t start missing her until she was gone.” A terrible loss to be sure! Of course, the show had to go on, and the festivities began as an explosion of Bradley flags lit up the afternoon sky. At exactly 4:44, a swarm of bananna phones descended upon the gaggle of jubilant spectators and everyone joined together in celebration of the Bradley Administration. Banannarama 2008 was surely a resounding success! We hope to see you all again next year for a second installment!

Post 6 Bradley -- Ophelia Bradley

This certified sex beast is ripe with vitality and vigor! Ophelia Bradley (pictured here at her Vogue magazine photoshoot) is not only a fortune 500 entrepenuar, but also Second Life’s official Secretary of State. What a woman! This week, she bears it all for us on location at President Bradley’s Oral Office. Buckle your seatbelts ladies and gentlemen, because everything on this old cadilac is the real deal. And if you thought humongous breats were her only asset, you haven’t seen anything until you’ve handled her freshly groomed beaver!