BREAKING NEWS

THE OFFICE OF THE VICE PRESIDENT
945 Battery Street San Francisco, CA 94111
DECEMBER 16TH, 2008 3:30 PM EST

BREAKING NEWS
STOP WHATEVER THE HELL YOU ARE DOING

This morning while taking my 6 mile morning run, I received word that Jessica Lyon, infamous G-Team member, and certified skank, was ran over by a semi truck on I-10 in Louisiana. Lyon was seen staggering in the median by a trucker, and the trucker of course did the honorable thing by putting that lard ass out of her misery. Our deepest congratulations to Lyon's family, and we hope her ugly ass face doesn't require too much makeup. Expect more news from our office this evening. Mr. President Bradley will schedule a conference soon.

Yours,
Fiona

The Bradley Ugly Avatar Act of 2008

From the office of:

Secretary of State and First Lady

Ophelia Bradley

Dec. 11th, 2008. 11:27

Fellow avatars:

We come to you with this disturbing news straight from the rich land of Second Life. In what began as a lovely, formal speech by your President, Alfred Bradley, quickly made a turn for the worst. In disregard to the Bradley Ugly Avatar Act of 2008, the avatar pictured to your left attempted to dance erotically (failing, of course) in the presence of your leader. After numerous attempts to seduce the Presidential Family, this ugly avatar was quickly apprehended and sentenced to death. Luckily for you, fellow avatars, this avatar will no longer be around causing predicaments for gaming play.

--

Found Guilty on all charges under the Bradley Ugly Avatar Act

The Execution of Steelth Bigwig

THE OFFICE OF THE VICE PRESIDENT
945 Battery Street San Francisco, CA 94111

DECEMBER 9TH, 2008 12:30 PM EST

Dear Avatars,
At approximately 6:00 AM EST this morning, Steelth Bigwig, director and ringleader of the Second Opinion grieving firm, was executed in the Bradley Detention Center in Havana, Cuba. Bigwig was found guilty by the Bradley Council 10 minutes earlier of obstruction of justice, failure to comply with The Bradley Freedom from Critical Media Act of 2008, and just being an asshole. The last known profile view of Steelth was capture last evening (shown above), and he seemed to be enjoying himself. More news is to come, and please remember Avatars, we are here to help you.
Your Vice President,
Fiona

Secretary of State Announcement

Thursday, Dec. 4th.

Criminal: #291731

JESSICA "THE BUSH" LYON

This little bushy babe is a fire cracker! We were softly celebrating Alfred's Presidential Victory in a sandbox, and this bloody tampon attempted to get in the way. Initially, Bushy wanted to host a parade (as you can see from President Bradley's earlier post), but like a true terrorist, she began to (but could not) orbit us! A terrible host, if I do say so myself. Then, it gets even more pathetic. Lyon tried to hire a poor script writer to fabricate a second-rate device that could "buy" us off. Steelth Bigwig, a conspirator, struggled to gain some type of recognition in the deal, but has now thankfully been elimintaed. Regardless of all this ruckus, if you're interested in viewing the personal MySpace account of Jessica "The Bush" Lyon, check it out here: http://myspace.com/jessicatrinity.

The failures of Second Life

Secretary of State Announcement

Thursday, Dec. 4th.

Criminal: #291730

ELMER WITTELS

An old simpleton by the name of Elmer Wittels had the audacity of being so gauche in asking for money in return for his donation to the Bradley Alliance Fund. However, as to be loyal to the fund, we were reticent to refund his donation. However, in conjunction with receiving the contribution, our agency found traces of marijuana. Traces of this same marijuana plant were linked to a Canadian Cartel led none other than the notorious Jessica Lyon. While Lyon remains at large as a severe douche bag, the assets from Mr. Wittels "crack stash" have been seized.

A Parade To Remember

Being president can be a lot of work, and every hard worker deserves the occasional break. Thank goodness Jessica Lyon decided to host a welcoming parade in the combat sandbox. A veritable phalanx of sensual portraits danced in unison to the beat of “Hail to the Chief” as avatars from all over the grid gathered to view the magnificent sight. Thanks Jessica, the Bradley Administration appreciates your call to duty. We hope to see even more of you in the future. Here are some photographs from the lovely event:

Yours,
Alfred Bradley
President of Second Life

Presidential Update

Our opposition continues their unsuccessful attempts to banish us. There is truly something pathetic about empty threats that are continually proven ineffectual. This administration is backed by the will of the people, and as thus, cannot be destroyed by the enemies of democracy. Our voices will be heard among these nefarious underlings who cling to their backward customs and barbaric rituals. They cover themselves with moronic flamboyant regalia, repeatedly use cheesy pop-culture phrases like “FAIL”, and covet their month-old accounts, yet claim that WE are the “n00bs” (see figure A). This community is in dire need of a perspective change my fellow avatars, and I promise you as your elected president, change will come.

The Bradley Ugly Avatar Act of 2008

Ugly avatars with stupid appendages such as tails, spines, horns, face masks, and all other failed attempts to look unique by means of increased unattractiveness, are hereby permanently banned.

Figure A:

Sincerely,
Alfred Bradley
President of Second Life