Saturday, January 3, 2009

Dear Fiona - January 2009

945 Battery Street San Francisco, CA 94111
JANUARY 3RD, 2008 2:30 PM EST

Q: Happy New Year, Fiona!
Sorry, that wasn't a question you dumbass... Please finish elementary school, Elmer.

Q: Fiona, I haven't seen much of the first family recently. Should I go into hiding and start an army to overturn the anarchic society of Second Life?
Woah there Jeffery, let us not be that hasty! Although the Bradley Family has had needed to be rebellious at times
(let us not forget the honorablee ROYAL OPPOSITION that was founded by the Bradley Family in 2003 to save the citisims of Alphaville from the rising bigotry of Arthur Baynes and the homosexual Alphaville Government.) Please be rest assured that we are merely on vacation while the White House is being remodeled. Please see a picture of our designs below for them, it is quite intriguing. Please remember that although the Royal Family is still on our gorilla farm in Wyoming, we have eyes and ears everywhere. So Jeffery, why don't you zip up those pants of yours and stop pleasuring yourself over previous pictures posted of our First Lady, Ophelia Bradley.

Q: I received an email last week saying that Linden Labs plans on making customers file Second Life Tax Returns? What is this about?
Indeed it seems that Linden Labs is attempting to squeeze even more money out of its very poor, ugly, disgusting and vile customers. Nevertheless, the Bradley Family is here to help once again! Just send your Avatar Name, and Primary Email Address that is on file with Linden Labs to, and the President will issue you a tax waiver for the 2008 tax year. Although we cannot promise the same for 2009, we understand what it is like to be poor. Well, technically we don't - since we are richer than God - but we have read about it on the Internet.

Q: Is there any word on the official penis size of Alfred Bradley? I am just dying to know!
As posted in the official retraction of DEAR FIONA- DECEMBER 2008, The president himself confirmed that his flaccid penis is 86 inches long. By using the simple equation to calculate an erect penis size and adding the catalyst of the Bradley Family Testosterone : 5/2(F+2) + (Bradley Family Testosterone Level= 44 in) = 132 inches.

Q: Can we expect another Banannarama in 2009?
F: Why yes you can! In fact, I believe I hear the phone a'ringin this very moment!

Have a question for Fiona? Email it to her at !

Copyright 2009 The Bradley Administration

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