Monday, December 29, 2008

Happy Holidays

My fellow avatars!

It has been another wonderful holiday season, and the entire Bradley family would like to wish you the best of luck in the coming year!

The first family spent the week at our Gorilla ranch in Southern Wyoming, where we will continue our festive vacation right on into 2009.

The Bradley family extends its loving arms in gratitude for your continued support and adoration!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008


945 Battery Street San Francisco, CA 94111
DECEMBER 24TH, 2008 1:00 AM EST



I recently posted that Alfred's flaccid penis may or may not be 36 inches when not erect. It was a completely unintentional error. The libelous statement was no doubt planted in the Bradley Archives by the ugly scumbag Alias Turbo, in a failed attempt to compensate for his sub-par genitalia. President Bradley's penis is officially 86 inches long, as quoted from his recent comment:

..of course it's [Alfred humongous stunningly precise and beautiful package] not true! My flaccid penis is nearly 86 inches long dear..."


Saturday, December 20, 2008

Dear Fiona - December 2008

945 Battery Street San Francisco, CA 94111
DECEMBER 20TH, 2008 2:00 PM EST

Q: Fiona, how was Africa?
Amazing! While on a Safari, I had the pleasure of shooting three giraffes in the neck, causing them to bleed to death. Simply fantastic! Also, Ophelia whipped up a magnificent turtle soup at our embassy, which turned out contain three pounds of her pubic hair. It really added a kick! We talked Alfred out of declaring war on Africa, however this is a work in progress. Keep in touch.

Q: What are your thoughts on the loss of Jessica Lyon?
To be honest, it has been difficult. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night hearing "FAIL!" in random sentences where it does not belong, but I quickly cast out the idea of her resurrection (we all know only two types of people can come back from the dead: Jesus and the Bradleys). Thankfully, G Team heaven is a much better place, and I am sure she is persistently monitoring a sandbox up there, 24 hours a day and 7 days a week.

Q: I hear that money doubles are coming to SL! Is this true? If so, when can I expect it?
Yes, it is true! Alfred just secured a stimulus package of ten trillion lindens (L$ 10,000,000,000,000) to double our citizens' money. Please contact us in the coming weeks leading to 2009, as we will be distributing on January 5th. Hurry though, there is a limited amount of money for this amazing offer!

Q: Fiona, is it true that Alfred's penis is 36 inches long when not erect?
No Comment dear - please ask his darling wife, Ophelia.

Have a question for Fiona? Email it to her at !

Copyright 2009 The Bradley Administration

Friday, December 19, 2008


An Alfred Bradley Special Report

My dear fellow avatars! This week’s vacation has been absolutely marvelous. After touring the plains of Africa and hunting rhinoceri, it was time to kick off the Bradley holiday festivities with Banannarama 2008! We laughed, we cried, and we mourned the loss of Jessica Lyon, our dear friend who was, as you know, recently and most unfortunately slaughtered by an eighteen-wheel Mack truck on interstate 10. As a local newbie Trident Numbers put it, “We just couldn’t start missing her until she was gone.” A terrible loss to be sure! Of course, the show had to go on, and the festivities began as an explosion of Bradley flags lit up the afternoon sky. At exactly 4:44, a swarm of bananna phones descended upon the gaggle of jubilant spectators and everyone joined together in celebration of the Bradley Administration. Banannarama 2008 was surely a resounding success! We hope to see you all again next year for a second installment!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Post 6 Bradley -- Ophelia Bradley

This certified sex beast is ripe with vitality and vigor! Ophelia Bradley (pictured here at her Vogue magazine photoshoot) is not only a fortune 500 entrepenuar, but also Second Life’s official Secretary of State. What a woman! This week, she bears it all for us on location at President Bradley’s Oral Office. Buckle your seatbelts ladies and gentlemen, because everything on this old cadilac is the real deal. And if you thought humongous breats were her only asset, you haven’t seen anything until you’ve handled her freshly groomed beaver!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


945 Battery Street San Francisco, CA 94111
DECEMBER 16TH, 2008 3:30 PM EST


This morning while taking my 6 mile morning run, I received word that Jessica Lyon, infamous G-Team member, and certified skank, was ran over by a semi truck on I-10 in Louisiana. Lyon was seen staggering in the median by a trucker, and the trucker of course did the honorable thing by putting that lard ass out of her misery. Our deepest congratulations to Lyon's family, and we hope her ugly ass face doesn't require too much makeup. Expect more news from our office this evening. Mr. President Bradley will schedule a conference soon.


Thursday, December 11, 2008

The Bradley Ugly Avatar Act of 2008

From the office of:
Secretary of State and First Lady
Ophelia Bradley

Dec. 11th, 2008. 11:27

Fellow avatars:

We come to you with this disturbing news straight from the rich land of Second Life. In what began as a lovely, formal speech by your President, Alfred Bradley, quickly made a turn for the worst. In disregard to the Bradley Ugly Avatar Act of 2008, the avatar pictured to your left attempted to dance erotically (failing, of course) in the presence of your leader. After numerous attempts to seduce the Presidential Family, this ugly avatar was quickly apprehended and sentenced to death. Luckily for you, fellow avatars, this avatar will no longer be around causing predicaments for gaming play.
Found Guilty on all charges under the Bradley Ugly Avatar Act

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

The Execution of Steelth Bigwig

945 Battery Street San Francisco, CA 94111

DECEMBER 9TH, 2008 12:30 PM EST

Dear Avatars,
At approximately 6
:00 AM EST this morning, Steelth Bigwig, director and ringleader of the Second Opinion grieving firm, was executed in the Bradley Detention Center in Havana, Cuba. Bigwig was found guilty by the Bradley Council 10 minutes earlier of obstruction of justice, failure to comply with The Bradley Freedom from Critical Media Act of 2008, and just being an asshole. The last known profile view of Steelth was capture last evening (shown above), and he seemed to be enjoying himself. More news is to come, and please remember Avatars, we are here to help you.
Your Vice President,


Monday, December 8, 2008

Secretary of State Announcement

Thursday, Dec. 4th.
Criminal: #291731


This little bushy babe is a fire cracker! We were softly celebrating Alfred's Presidential Victory in a sandbox, and this bloody tampon attempted to get in the way. Initially, Bushy wanted to host a parade (as you can see from President Bradley's earlier post), but like a true terrorist, she began to (but could not) orbit us! A terrible host, if I do say so myself. Then, it gets even more pathetic. Lyon tried to hire a poor script writer to fabricate a second-rate device that could "buy" us off. Steelth Bigwig, a conspirator, struggled to gain some type of recognition in the deal, but has now thankfully been elimintaed. Regardless of all this ruckus, if you're interested in viewing the personal MySpace account of Jessica "The Bush" Lyon, check it out here:

The failures of Second Life

Secretary of State Announcement

Thursday, Dec. 4th.

Criminal: #291730


An old simpleton by the name of Elmer Wittels had the audacity of being so gauche in asking for money in return for his donation to the Bradley Alliance Fund. However, as to be loyal to the fund, we were reticent to refund his donation. However, in conjunction with receiving the contribution, our agency found traces of marijuana. Traces of this same marijuana plant were linked to a Canadian Cartel led none other than the notorious Jessica Lyon. While Lyon remains at large as a severe douche bag, the assets from Mr. Wittels "crack stash" have been seized.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

A Parade To Remember

Being president can be a lot of work, and every hard worker deserves the occasional break. Thank goodness Jessica Lyon decided to host a welcoming parade in the combat sandbox. A veritable phalanx of sensual portraits danced in unison to the beat of “Hail to the Chief” as avatars from all over the grid gathered to view the magnificent sight. Thanks Jessica, the Bradley Administration appreciates your call to duty. We hope to see even more of you in the future. Here are some photographs from the lovely event:

Alfred Bradley
President of Second Life

Presidential Update

Our opposition continues their unsuccessful attempts to banish us. There is truly something pathetic about empty threats that are continually proven ineffectual. This administration is backed by the will of the people, and as thus, cannot be destroyed by the enemies of democracy. Our voices will be heard among these nefarious underlings who cling to their backward customs and barbaric rituals. They cover themselves with moronic flamboyant regalia, repeatedly use cheesy pop-culture phrases like “FAIL”, and covet their month-old accounts, yet claim that WE are the “n00bs” (see figure A). This community is in dire need of a perspective change my fellow avatars, and I promise you as your elected president, change will come.

The Bradley Ugly Avatar Act of 2008

Ugly avatars with stupid appendages such as tails, spines, horns, face masks, and all other failed attempts to look unique by means of increased unattractiveness, are hereby permanently banned.

Figure A:

Alfred Bradley
President of Second Life

Thursday, December 4, 2008

It Begins

My fellow avatars,

Today marks the beginning of the 2009 presidential term. To welcome the celebrated Bradley Administration, our faithful constituents held a parade at the combat sandbox in our honor. Here is a wonderful photograph from the event:

We thank all of you for your continued support! We promise more festivities to follow in the coming days. Ask for an official Bradley badge to help support our cause.

Alfred Bradley
President of Second Life

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

State Of The Union - December 3, 2008

My fellow avatars,

Today we mark the beginning of a new age. Our morale has been damaged, and we have grown tired of the merciless destruction of those values to which we hold dear. Generations have come and gone, names have risen and fallen, and reputations have been exalted and destroyed before our very eyes. Do not fear my fellow avatars, because through these years of contention and dissidence, one name has stood tall above all others: BRADLEY. One name has outlasted the malicious attacks of an endless barrage of destructive obtruders: BRADLEY.

Power will not cede quickly my friends, but do not fear: our strength undoubtedly lies in our unparalleled resilience. Please hold strong during this uneasy time of transition. Take comfort in the support you have given the Bradley family to right the injustices of the current power.
The Bradley administration begins this legislative session with a landmark bill:

The Bradley Freedom from Critical Media Act of 2008
In order to shield the democratic process from an otherwise hostile environment, all media critical of the Bradley Administration shall be henceforth banned from publication.

Let freedom and justice ring.

Your President Elect,
Alfred Bradley

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

A warm welcome from the Vice President-Elect

945 Battery Street
San Francisco, CA 94111

DECEMBER 2ND, 2008 7:00 PM EST

Hello Avatar(s)!

When Alfred called me at three in the morning a few weeks ago, letting me know the great news, I wasn't surprised. Let's face fa
cts Second Life: you need us. We read the hundreds of emaiS, letters, and even faxes (what the hell was that about, Elmer?). Our time for change has come, and now more than ever, Second Life needs it. Mr. President Bradley will be addressing you shortly and until that time, be thankful for what has happened. It took many months of tampering with ballots and even exploiting our constituents (and their children), but our dream has come true. When we arrived this morning, dozens gathered to rejoice in our return as you can see below:
Keep on the lookout for more information.


The Start of a New Era

Our faithful backers, supporters, admirers, enthusiasts, fans, and worshippers...

We have a message!

The time has come, our fellow friends. The time has come for the Bradley's to start their new era and age. It's time for the secret to be revealed.

We come with great news that our following has made its way into Second Life. Through trial and erro... through trial and success, which is the foundation of the Bradley empire, the conclusion has arose. Although this process has seemed very prolix, it was well worth it. And with our new ventures and this blithesome time of year, we invite you to join us in our crusade and drive for change - change for Second Life!

Your President-Elect Alfred Bradley (Charlton) has compiled a transition team of ingenious, savvy, and cerebral minds. Headed by your Vice President-Elect Fiona Bradley, this team consists of the most well-rounded and qualified individuals, including Secretary of State, and First Lady, Ophelia Bradley. Backed by years of experience and the knowledge of change for what is right for the Second Life people, this new dynas... executive cabinet will lead Second Life into it's new chapter more prepared than ever.

However, you can't succeed without a full compliment of cabinet members. And yes, some positions are still open. Remember, we can't do this without you. You are the driving force behind this movement and behind the veracity of change.

Now don't fall for fallacious Second Life avatars that speak the word of change, but have no scheme to make it transpire. The truth is right in front of your eyes - the Bradleys!

Now, we would like to extend an invitation to you, our fellow friends, to join us in the fight for change and the fight for the success of the Bradl... Second Life!

Billy Washington,
White House Press Corespondent