Saturday, December 20, 2008

Dear Fiona - December 2008

945 Battery Street San Francisco, CA 94111
DECEMBER 20TH, 2008 2:00 PM EST

Q: Fiona, how was Africa?
Amazing! While on a Safari, I had the pleasure of shooting three giraffes in the neck, causing them to bleed to death. Simply fantastic! Also, Ophelia whipped up a magnificent turtle soup at our embassy, which turned out contain three pounds of her pubic hair. It really added a kick! We talked Alfred out of declaring war on Africa, however this is a work in progress. Keep in touch.

Q: What are your thoughts on the loss of Jessica Lyon?
To be honest, it has been difficult. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night hearing "FAIL!" in random sentences where it does not belong, but I quickly cast out the idea of her resurrection (we all know only two types of people can come back from the dead: Jesus and the Bradleys). Thankfully, G Team heaven is a much better place, and I am sure she is persistently monitoring a sandbox up there, 24 hours a day and 7 days a week.

Q: I hear that money doubles are coming to SL! Is this true? If so, when can I expect it?
Yes, it is true! Alfred just secured a stimulus package of ten trillion lindens (L$ 10,000,000,000,000) to double our citizens' money. Please contact us in the coming weeks leading to 2009, as we will be distributing on January 5th. Hurry though, there is a limited amount of money for this amazing offer!

Q: Fiona, is it true that Alfred's penis is 36 inches long when not erect?
No Comment dear - please ask his darling wife, Ophelia.

Have a question for Fiona? Email it to her at !

Copyright 2009 The Bradley Administration

1 comment:

Mr President Bradley said...

Of course it's not true! My flaccid penis is nearly 86 inches long dear. Please post an official retraction.